#17: Inner Child Healing: From Wounds to Wholeness with Tammy Cox
JANUARY 2, 2025
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This insightful episode of "Courage to Heal" features an interview with Tammy Cox, a transformational coach specializing in inner child healing and women's emotional wellbeing. Drawing from her own journey of overcoming childhood trauma and her father's early death, Tammy shares how she transformed her personal struggles into a mission to help others heal.
The conversation explores the profound impact of childhood experiences and generational trauma on adult relationships. Tammy explains her unique approach to inner child work, including how early life experiences create core beliefs that shape our adult behaviors. She offers practical insights on connecting with one's inner child, embracing anger as a healthy emotion, and the importance of self-awareness in healing.
You can find more about Tammy here:
Transcript
Anna: Hello, friends. Welcome to Courage to Heal. Today, I have a very special guest for you, and I am very excited for her to be a part of this podcast. Tammy Cox is a transformational coach who specializes in helping women rebuild their lives and relationships through profound emotional healing.
With a core emphasis on inner child work, she guides her clients in identifying and healing the unresolved traumas that often lie at the heart of relationship challenges. And that enables them to connect with their authentic selves and create deeper emotional intimacy with others. Tammy's coaching approach is informed by her own transformative journey.
Having faced the emotional scars of childhood wounds and their ripple effects in her adult relationships, Tammy understands first hand the power of healing from within. She has turned her personal struggles into a source of strength and now empowers women to take control of their healing Helping them create fulfilling loving relationships and live with greater purpose Welcome to the podcast Tammy. It's a true pleasure to have you here.
Tammy: Thank you for that introduction, Anna. That was so good.
Anna: All right, so let's go ahead and get started because I have some interesting questions for you, and I cannot wait to hear what you have to say. And to begin with, I wonder if you can share a bit of your personal journey and how it led you to become a transformational coach.
Tammy: Yeah. Well, like my intro states, I really came from a household early in, in life filled with trauma. There was abuse, there was control, there was a lot of religious control also. And then when I. Turned 11, I found out my father had AIDS, and he died a month later. And so this kind of left me, as you could imagine, extremely angry, bitter, and also very confused about life.
So I had to ask those deep questions pretty early on in life. And I went through these like high highs and low lows. But ultimately I came to the place where I was extremely suicidal. And I just said, dang, I'm either going to take my life or I'm going to heal it. And as I sit here today, obviously you can see this, the one I picked the path I chose.
And yet that was a long journey in and of itself. So once. I really started to dig into because I, I really dabbled in pretty much anything you can think of as far as the healing journey. I use quotes because, you know, we think of these talk therapies, for instance religion let's see, books seminars, like you, you just pick it.
I, I did it and it would sort of get a little bit better, but then my old ways would start to surface before you even knew it. So I really started searching for something quite deeper and that's when I started to find the inner child healing and that's what made the biggest difference for me. So then I was like.
Shoot, what if I could give this to the world? What if every woman could experience this freedom that I've gotten to experience just by healing those deep inner wounds? So that's how I got here.
Anna: Oh, that's such an interesting story. So you really have gone through a whole range of emotions with your father passing and then yourself being suicidal.
And then it sounds like you've tried a lot of things, including therapy. None of it really stuck for you until you found this inner child work.
Tammy: Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It was really for me, the way I explain it, it's like getting to the root cause instead of talking about the surface level. Cause oftentimes we want to talk about like our behaviors, right?
Oh, I do this. This is my pattern. Right. Cause I work with a lot of women. In love relationships more specifically. And it's like, she'll be like, Oh, I attract this man. And I have this toxic guy. And the thing is, is yeah, those are your behaviors. But if we don't get to the root cause of why, then we're really never going to get very far.
So for me, I don't like to. play on this like surface level. I'm like, let's get to the reason why you do these things. So I'm very much about the root cause of everything. Not really interested in your behaviors, except to get an idea of what they are in order to excavate, dig out and find what the belief is underneath all of it.
Anna: Hmm, finding the root cause. That sounds very important. I do the same with my clients too, because you're right, so many people focus on those more superficial kind of symptoms, right, rather than going to what's at the root of it. Yeah.
Tammy: Perfect word symptom. Yeah.
Anna: So, Tammy, you specialize in inner child healing, and I feel like it would be helpful for my listeners to really define it or clarify it. So can you please tell me more about what exactly that entails?
Tammy: Okay. So yes, on the moment of conception, all of dad's DNA and all of mom's DNA become your DNA. What does that mean? That means every, the program setting that you've been much like a computer you've been set up with didn't, wasn't generated from you. And then also the first five years of life, your upper faculties of mine are not developed.
So what that means is you receive all the information without the ability to reject it. So whatever they say about you and it doesn't even have to be spoken, but whatever they feel about you, whatever they're dumping into your subconscious, it just goes in without any resistance. So what this means is if you have not done any of the inner work to shift your beliefs, then the beliefs that you have, the factory model is based on both your parents and the seven generations back on each side.
What that means is all of their pain and trauma and drama, everything becomes your trauma and pain on the moment of conception. So within your lifetime, you not only have the pain you accumulate, you also have theirs if they haven't chosen to heal, which let's be honest, most of them haven't because a lot of this is new science.
We didn't even know about this 60 years ago, something called epigenetics. So here we are. We get dropped off and it's our blessing to be able to heal it so we don't pass it on, which is really what led me on my journey. You know, when I held my firstborn in my hands was when I realized that I was, unless I did something about it, that the system would just continue on.
Right. So it was really my call to be like, Nope, it's going to stop here. It's going to stop with me.
Anna: Hmm. So you are what we call a cycle breaker when it comes to that intergenerational trauma.
Tammy: Yeah. And I believe anyone watching this would be considered that as well because you wouldn't be drawn to anything related to the healing journey if you weren't on your journey to do the same.
Like we're just, that's not how we're wired. You'd be like, Right. Not interested at all. So anyone watching this, I'd say you are to, on some level, there is, you might be on the first marker. You might not have even felt like you've taken a step, but I promise if you're drawn to this title and this message, then you are one of those who has made that decision.
Even if you're just sort of dipping your toes in the water.
Anna: Right. Right. That's a very good way of putting it. Even if you're trying to do any work at all that previous generations have not done, I think you can absolutely consider yourself a cycle breaker.
Tammy: Mm hmm. Absolutely.
Anna: And so you're saying that as children, we're kind of like sponges where we just absorb everything in those early years, including the trauma from generations past.
And so inner child healing then has to do with. Reaching out to that information and trying to make sense of it, trying to heal those wounds that were given to us during our early childhood. Is that right?
Tammy: Yeah. So it's like, okay. So when someone comes to me, they're like, Hey, I've had this issue. We go, okay, let's look at this.
We look at the pattern. Okay. It's been this, this, that, and the other. This relationship, that relationship that, okay, it's now a pattern. Okay. Now let's follow this pattern back. So. When we successfully follow it back, it goes back to those first five years. And I say successfully is because sometimes they, you know, if you're of a certain age or you cut yourself off as far as like subconsciously, there might be a few blockers we have to work through, but if we successfully get to the root cause of why you have that pattern, it goes back to the first five.
So that's why I referenced it. It's because the damage happened there. And so for every pattern that you might find has held you back from finding that thing that you want, it's in that first five years that we got to look. So by healing that little girl within you, sometimes it's a little boy, but mostly I work with women.
By healing that little girl within you, what we're doing is we're healing the pattern. So we don't have to mess around with all the the results of the pattern. Right? We don't need to work on why you do the things that you do because we're going to the seed, the seed that was implanted in your subconscious mind very young, which is the belief.
We're going to find that belief and we're going to tweak it. So my command, which a command in my line of work is a limiting belief that is basically controlling your whole life experience. And mine was my most dominant one was I'm unlovable. So if that's a belief. That I have so deeply rooted.
It's a seed that got so deeply rooted back in my zero to five. Could you just imagine after being watered years and years and years, what kind of relationships I attracted with that belief, right? And so here I could hang out and I could look at all of my adult relationships, but really until I see the seed that was planted there in my little tiny self.
and pluck that seed out and say, Oh, isn't this interesting and shift that, then I'm really sort of just dealing with the top soil versus all the roots that have been growing underground for all those years.
Anna: Oh, I love that metaphor. I think that explains it so well. So thank you for that. Yeah. And I wonder, You know, as an adult, you may know that you've gone through some traumatic things as a child, but how do you know that those traumatic things are actually affecting you and your relationships?
Are there some common signs?
Tammy: The common signs are, Hey, have you wanted something for a long time and haven't been able to get it? Or you get it and you can't hold on to it. Those are the signs. It's really so simple. It may look different for different people. So for instance, I've never had a problem with attracting love.
However, I like to sabotage it, you know, and so I, I have my own particular way that I like to push people away and it could be friendships, romantic, it doesn't matter what kind of relationship I'm going to find some way to, you know, F it up simply because I have this belief going on that I'm unlovable.
So for instance, if I have a belief that I'm unlovable, can I trust you when you say, Oh, I love you. No, because on my core level, I don't believe I'm lovable. So if you say that to me, I'm going to think you're crazy or you're lying, you know? So until we deal with the root, that seed, you know, we're not going to get much.
So yeah, I tell people like this, if there is something that you have not been able to keep or hold on to, that's how you know, you have some. Unlimiting, and let's be honest, we all have that. It's just to what degree? How much are we owning our life? How much are we taking responsibility for what we've created in our external experience?
Anna: Okay. Yeah. So, so negative core beliefs and also that very frustrating thing where you are trying really hard to attain something and it's just not happening for you, then it's a good idea to look back to your, to your roots, so to speak, to see what really happened there and, and how can I address it?
Tammy: Mm. Yeah. I mean, that's where we become the ultimate creators of our life is where we see where the seed was developed and we look at it and pluck it out without judgment. Cause we all have them and we shift them. That's the, that's the only place we have the true power of like, Oh. makes so much sense.
This little tiny thing has caused so much damage in my life, you know? But to know, know what it is. It's not, it's not that you're a failure. It's not that you're not good enough. It's not that you aren't divine, that you aren't perfection. It's that your system had this little tiny seed in it that manifested itself in this full on belief that grew the roots and grew the tree and grew the fruit, right?
It was just watered over all the years with your experiences where, you know, like, like I said, my dad was aggressive and abusive towards me. And so in those experiences, when I go back to him, the belief that was created was, Oh, I'm not lovable. That's why he's treating me like this. Right. Okay. in my childlike mind where that's not true at all.
You know, my dad thought in his heart of hearts, my dad really truly believed that he was doing what was best for me because he believed by not by not physically harming me, he used to always say, spare the rod, spoil the child, which is a very misused Bible verse that I would love to freaking slap out of the mouths of a lot of pastors.
But my dad lived by this and it was like he believed in his heart of hearts that if he did not hit me. That I would be subjected to the same life he went through, which was way worse than what I went through. So see how the pattern gets spread. And so he did, he really didn't have any ill intent in it, but at the same time it didn't matter because my little subconscious mind didn't read it as love.
Right?
Anna: Of course. Of course. So. Tell me, how can somebody begin to identify what those core wounds are, what those core beliefs are, and actually address them?
Tammy: Yeah, so first of all, I think nothing would be better than for a person to hire someone like you or me. to walk them through it because we're going to see things that they don't see and take them to places that they will never dare to go by themselves.
So that's first, but for those who are dipping their toes and they're like, Oh, I'm not quite ready for that. This is where I encourage people to start. When you get triggered, I want you to look at your triggers. I want you to study yourself. What am I being triggered by? And lately I've been using this example because I'm, I'm a mom of teenagers.
So I have these teenager daughters and sometimes they speak to me in a certain tone, one in particular. And so I would get triggered by it and I'm like, Oh, why does this bother me so much? And so I sat down with my journal and I just. Journal out what I'm feeling. Okay, what comes up for me when she talks to me like that?
Journal, journal, journal, journal. I get to the bottom of it, right? And at the very bottom is the belief. I'm a bad mom. I'm a terrible mom. I'm a horrible mom. So what was driving the trigger? What was it tapping on? Cause remember a trigger is just tapping on a sore wound within us. So what's the wound? I'm a terrible mom.
So when I see it, okay, now I become aware. And now I go, when she does talk to me in a, Certain way I can look at it and be like no, I don't believe that anymore. No, look at me. I'm a great mom I'm still here Listening to you talk. I cook for you. I I'm here, right? I've done my due Diligence so I have to get give myself the new story if the old belief was I'm a terrible mom Well, what's the new story get to give myself?
I'm an excellent mom I love my kids so much that I want them to love me back. Like, I love my kids so much that I do this for them, that for them, you know, you have to tell yourself the new story, right? But I think to become so in tune with your triggers and ask yourself those deep questions of like, what's the belief underneath that?
And when you get to the bottom of it and you start doing that with all of your triggers, you will become so self aware that you will know yourself and be like, Oh, I get my belief system. Right. So that's the first step I tell people.
Anna: That's wonderful. Yeah. That self awareness is so important. And you're right.
It's fantastic to hire somebody like you or myself. And some people are not ready for that.
Tammy: Right.
Anna: So that they absolutely need some tips on maybe you journal, maybe you just ask yourself these deeper questions about what am I feeling and why am I feeling this? And when do I remember the first time I felt this way?
Just to become more self-aware.
Tammy: Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, I will be honest. I wasn't ready till I was ready, which is why I can have grace with anyone that isn't there yet. But like, like I tell people, I was in so much pain that there, there was only two ways, two directions I could go in. And most people aren't in that much pain yet.
So you know, if I talk to them and they're on the fence, I'm like, it's okay, you got, you got some, some ways to go before you're in so much pain that you have to go. To change, like, I have to change.
Anna: Right, right. You're right. There does need to be a certain degree of pain you reach before you say enough is enough.
I've tried this on my own maybe and it didn't work. It's time for me to ask somebody for help and that's hopefully when they come to someone like you and do some inner child healing and some work on their core beliefs. Okay, so I have this question for you when I do inner child work with my clients, some of them have a really hard time connecting to their inner child.
And I find that that's particularly true for people who were raised in emotionally neglectful households where their parents didn't really talk about emotion. And so these people themselves have difficulty with expressing emotions, feeling their feelings. So when you go and try to teach them how to nurture and comfort their inner child.
child, they don't really know what to do. So I wonder if you have any tips for those people or what do you usually do in those situations? Mm hmm.
Tammy: The first two languages we learn when we come into this world are color and emotion. And we link those together in our minds. So a lot of the first work I do with people is I utilize that.
So, I have them connect to how it feels in their body, the emotion. I say, okay, first impression, where's that in your body? They point to it. I say, first impression, what color is it? The color comes up. They don't have to know everything else. We're dealing with a color and the emotion. And so I'll say, okay,, you have this problem in your relationship. I have them connect to the emotion. I have them close their eyes. I have them go into their body. Where is it stored? Put their hand on it. They, they recognize the color. The color is connected to the emotion. And then I say, from that place, Project out from it, the image of the very first time you felt that emotion.
Now this is where I know where they have blockers and how blocked they are based on how far back they go. So I have them pull up the picture. Okay. Allow that picture to get clear, as clear as you could possibly make it. How old are you? And if they tell me something in adulthood, okay, that's what we get to work on first.
But ideally we want to go as far back as into the childhood or even teenage years is fair, but that's going to give me an idea of how open they are and how open their subconscious mind is. And sometimes it takes a couple of times, like that's why I tell people I work with no one. Less than 12 weeks, no one.
And that's because I don't believe you can, I want results for you. Like if we're not completely changing your identity, then I don't want to do it. I want that for you. I want you to have the results so radical that you desire. So no one less than 12 weeks. And that's because it might take us a couple of weeks to get all the way back to childhood.
Right. But I do believe that by chipping away at the wall that we've created around our hearts, as we allow that wall to dissolve brick by brick by brick, I had this one guy come on to my podcast cause this is it. This is what I do on my podcast. I had him just take brick after brick off until it was fully dissolved and to really link up with.
All aspects of yourself, because every age you've ever been, it still resides in you. And all the pain that that person at each level and each age, all the pain they experienced, it still sits inside of you. So we got to go in and pull it all out. Brick by brick. So yeah, I don't work with someone unless they're pretty open.
So I need a certain amount of openness to be willing. Take down the bricks around their heart. But yeah, I, I just think that a lot of people just want to dip their toes in the water and they're not ready to just say, Hey, I want to go all the way. Right,
Anna: right. And like you said, to, to begin with, for somebody who feels ready but doesn't really know how, you might go with that color, emotion, sensation in the body, and then you kind of float them back to an earlier time they felt that way.
That's beautiful. That's beautiful. Another challenge I find when I work with inner children is a lot of people expect their inner children to be sad or vulnerable, but sometimes they are angry. Especially if you have like an inner teenager in there who, you know, and you mentioned anger in your own personal journey.
Beautiful emotion, would you say? It is a beautiful emotion, absolutely. So I wonder, how do you coach your clients on working with this anger that they might find inside of them?
Tammy: By embracing it. So many women, especially, they have all this judgment around anger. And I say, every emotion you have serves you.
That anger serves you. However, serve you up into us to a certain point. And now we get to emote it like all emotions. They don't get to remain in the body. We need to energy needs to constantly be in motion, moving in and out and in and out and in and out. What happens with emotion is it's not emo Ted.
All the way. So what happens to it? It sits in the body, anger, pain, just right there sitting in the body because you were told you're not allowed to be angry. You're not allowed to feel anger. So what do you do? Choke it down. It sits right here. Okay. So what I do is I say, I want you to connect to that anger.
I want you to go into it and I want you to feel it fully. So, some really gratifying, delicious ways to allow them to feel their anger is kickboxing, primal screaming going into your car, screaming at the top of your lungs, singing at the top of your lungs punching a punching bag throwing rocks in the desert.
There's so many beautiful ways you can emote anger, but you, it starts with tossing out this belief. And judgment around it. Anger is not bad. It is delicious. And if you knew how wonderful it is and how much you could utilize that to draw you up to the higher frequencies, you would stop judging it. So please.
And this is more than a judgment about anger. It's a, it's a judgment on anything. Release judgment on every single thing. And you will see this delicious divine flow in your life, like you've never seen before, because everything has its place. I'm reminded. So for me, I grew up in religion. So I draw on a lot of biblical scripture.
Not all of it is to serve. So don't think that I take the whole thing and. But there are certain scriptures that have really stuck with me. And it's King Solomon talks about there's a time for everything under heaven, a time to live, a time to die, a time to be born. Like, Everything has its place. Every emotion has its place and when we learn to accept it for what it is and don't judge it and don't resist it, like we're all going to freaking die.
Can we let go of this terror about transitioning, please? Can we just let go of the fact that, yes, one day. And this body we will exit, but our being is eternal and it will never cease to be. So can we just stop judging that?
Anna: Yeah, I love that. Can we just stop judging the anger? Because you're right.
Women do judge themselves for being angry because we are told in those, you know, as the seeds are planted quite often. Don't be angry, that's not ladylike.
Tammy: That wasn't, that wasn't my experience, but I know with, by the women I work with that most of them have that. I just didn't. That was a, that was a very accepted emotion in my house growing up because we were very violent people.
We fought physically every day, so we used our anger. Not saying in the healthiest way, but every emotion that we have really does serve us. It's just about knowing how it serves us and how to emote it in a, the healthiest version for you.
Anna: Right. Right. That makes a lot of sense. Yeah. And so one of your specialties is coaching women through relationship challenges.
Yeah. So I wonder, what are some common challenges do you find your traumatized clients facing when it comes to romantic relationships?
Tammy: An imbalance. The energetic imbalance. So, see as the feminine is rising. We have to understand that as a whole, and I'm speaking very generally here, as a whole, the feminine has been very much suppressed.
And although she's been rising, meaning she's now viewed as an equal. She's not a piece of she doesn't belong to her husband. She is now, she is now a human being where a hundred, 200 years ago, we were the property of our husbands. So here we sit now. We can be, we have the equalness, right? But then we also have the ability to be sovereign into ourselves.
We don't need him, right? We can, whether or not we're married, we can survive in, in nowadays modern society. So that has changed the energy of this thing we call marriage because she no longer needs Thanks. She wants him, she wants that equal partnership, but what she's done for so long, and again, I speak very generally, but she's made herself less than, because she was told she was less than.
So here she is, she's made herself subservient, small. Right down here, she's lifted him up. He's way up here. And so then here she sits and she's so unsatisfied and unfulfilled. And so my job is to, to, to grant her that balance. So what, what does that take? That takes, I have to lead her into sovereignty of self, being self sufficient, looking within to, to having her needs fulfilled, and also to becoming the best.
Greatest, most fulfilling, healthy version of herself so that she's not looking to him to be her savior. We have to stop doing that. She has to look within to create that loving environment within her so that she attracts that from whoever like him, her kids, her friends, her business associates, everyone in her life gets to see her and feel her from that whole place of like.
But that can't happen until she heals herself.
Anna: Right. Right. I love that. I love the idea of raising this feminine energy and making it powerful enough so that the woman realizes, I am worthy and I can have good things in relationships but that all has to come from within.
Tammy: Yeah, it will, it will not come externally for her.
It has to come within first. And I think we're all looking for the external to reflect back to us what we're not willing to embody and that will never work. We have to be what it is we want to experience. So if you want to be sovereign, then you got to feel that to your very bones or else it will not be reflected out in your external because as above, so below, as within, so without.
So it's. literally impossible to see something before you believe it. The belief has to come first.
Anna: Absolutely. And, you know, as you were talking about this feeling of being unlovable, feeling unworthy, That's a very common result of childhood trauma, and I wonder if there is any particular impact in romantic relationships for these specific feelings.
If you see again any common signs in a relationship that this woman is carrying this weight of feeling unworthy and unlovable.
Tammy: Well, she can either go two ways. She could either make herself less than or if she has more of a personality like me, I carry a lot more of the masculine. So for me, I have a lot more controller.
So she's either the one like me throwing a big tantrum when she gets triggered or she's The little girl that's hiding, making herself small, trying to be invisible, not to be seen, heard. She's terrified to be seen and heard because that means she's going to get it. Or you can see the ones like me who just kicking, screaming, making this big deal, trying to be bigger than our fear.
Right? So I see those two as the most dramatic. Versions. Now what I tend to attract is my opposite. So I get the little girl who's hiding more often than not because, you know we're drawn to our opposites. So and that helps me balance her out, right? If, if I'm here with, with a lot of masculine energy that I get to help impart to her, she's going to be drawn to that versus she's probably not going to be drawn to a more meek Person.
Right? Where I would be. Like I'm always drawn to my opposite, so, but that's because inside of my little terrible twos, if you, I know I'm a 42 year old woman, but inside when I get triggered and hurt it really comes across like a toddler having a temper tantrum. And it got like, there was times where I was really healing, dealing with a lot of my stuff I've, I had to tell my husband, like, listen, I get.
That I'm, I'm 42, but at the same time, it doesn't feel like that in that moment. It really feels like that little girl within me is just lashing out because she's so scared. So we have those two polar opposites that I see. As the most dramatic, but really we could have so many different kinds of reactions when we feel fearful, you know, the freeze, flight, fawn response.
It's like the way that looks for each individual person can be so different. So yeah, it's, it's just about knowing your response and saying, okay, where did I pick this up from? Right. It's being so inquisitive, inquisitive about the self because each self is so uniquely different. Like there is no two of you.
And I know we want to relate to people and say, Ooh, we're in this category and we're in this camp and we're the same, but it's like, no, you are like a snowflake. You are so beautiful. perfectly divinely created. There's no two of you. You are so special. So yes, I get the like, wanting to have a camp and have a crew and, and have your own, but, but you're so unique and special.
Anna: Yeah. So I can see how it goes back to that self awareness we talked about. Yeah. Where knowing yourself is just so important. Yeah. And I wonder for women who are interested in doing this work, but then they find that their partner might not be on the same page and may not be actively participating in that process.
How can they rekindle that emotional intimacy in their relationships when they're the only ones doing this kind of work?
Tammy: And that is almost 100 percent the case. So if that's you, I want you to know that's almost always the case. I've been with my husband 18 years. It's hardly ever in those 18 years that we're exactly on the same page.
There are times when he's growing. There's times when I'm growing. Hardly ever are we doing it together at the same exact time on the same exact page. Okay. codependency comes in. By needing your partner to be where you're at, that's codependency. codependency. codependency. When you're sovereign, a hundred percent sovereign under yourself, whole, exactly how you are.
You don't need him to be anywhere in order for you to be where you want to be. Right? So that's first and foremost. Secondly, he who has the strongest energy always wins. So, when I started on my healing journey, at first, my husband was incredibly uncomfortable by it. Why? Where was his fight buddy? Where, where was, where was his wife to, you know, argue with and, and blame and where was she?
She wasn't there. She, she wasn't interested in that, right? That made him very uncomfortable because I switched up the programming on him. So when you go on your healing journey, expect that your spouse is going to be uncomfortable for a minute because you switched up the programming on them. Expect it.
It's okay. Embrace it. It doesn't mean you'll be there forever and hold space. For him to hop up. So what I've noticed happens both with myself and my clients is he will either look at you in this peaceful, wonderful, whole state of being. He'll be like, I need some of what you got girl, or he won't be able to hang with this new energy that you're vibrating at.
And he'll bounce. He'll find someone on those lower frequencies and that has to be okay with you. What I would not want for any woman is for her to stay small and low for any one else. And I mean, no one else. You have to be so authentically selfish. That you say, I'm putting on my blinders and it will be about me.
I will heal my stuff and whatever happens to homeboy or homegirl in the process, so be it. I wish them so much love, but I'm going up here. You can not. Keep yourself small and low for other people. If you do, then gosh, I don't know what to say to you, but like terrible, like don't do that to yourself, you know what I mean?
Like, yeah, that that's really what you're choosing. So The truth is they, they will have an invitation not an invitation that you even have to tell them. It will be completely energetic. They will know that they can either rise with you or skip out and that gets to be okay. Hopefully.
Anna: Wow, that's, to me, that's so profound that a woman might come to you while she's in a relationship and she's looking to do all of this work and then, like you said, her partner will notice a difference and it might end up in the relationship not working out.
And I can see how that woman will find herself with this whole new sense of self worth and feeling lovable to where she can then go find a partner who can truly vibe with her at that higher frequency.
Tammy: Yeah. It's gorgeous. Now, I will be honest. I don't tell her that at the beginning because oftentimes she's coming to me to fix the problem.
But when she looks at what the problem really is, she sees it has nothing to do with that other person. So I let her figure that out on her own. I say, girl, you put those blinders on cause we're not looking at him and what's going on with him. We're going for a very deep dive into you. We're going to figure out what's going on with the, within you, because like I said, as within, so without, as above, so below.
So when we shift internally, our circumstance has to shift. It has to, this is just law. So it's like for the time being, I want you to close your eyes and not look at him, not look at her. We get to go deep within you. And so, yeah, I don't necessarily tell them that right off the jump, although I did say it pretty freely on here, but it's, it's just the way that it is.
Like every relationship that we have in our life is a reflection of the one that we have with ourselves.
Anna: I love that. And that is so true. I find that in my clients all the time is that it's all the reflection of how much you value yourself, how much you love yourself, how you see yourself. And that's so beautiful that you do that kind of work.
So Tammy, all of this information that you gave my listeners is so valuable, especially for women who do struggle with those core beliefs, those childhood wounds, and they want to, they are ready for the work, right? They want to be better. So tell me, how can they work with you? Where can they find you if they want to pursue this kind of work?
Tammy: If you have just a general question for me, a lot of people like throw me relationship questions. You can throw that on Instagram. I'm very present on Instagram. But if you're interested in what a process would with me would look like, I invite you to apply for my podcast behind the veil, anonymous transformations, because I take People through a process, first of all, it's free for them and they're anonymous.
So they get a, they get a free process. It's a beautiful way to dip your toes in the water. If you're like, Hey, I want to discover, you know, what, what, what you do, then I invite you to book a discovery call with me. You get about 25 minutes of my. undivided attention, and we could discuss what it would look like for you.
Anna: Beautiful. And I'll put that in the show notes, your Instagram, your website, everything, how people can reach you and your podcast. That's such a. Unique way I think of offering people a path towards healing is come on my podcast and we'll do it live.
Tammy: Yeah. And their, their face isn't shown. So it's like, that's kind of, it's, it's really cool. I, the thing I love about it is it's, you know, when you watch someone go through a healing transformation, it's going to affect you too. So I'm like, this is such a big give that I get to give the world is to give this transformation In this way where she's completely anonymous, and yet she's sharing this really deep in our journey with everyone else.
So I just. I love it. I'm so in alignment with it. So yeah. If it's, if it resonates with you, then watch or apply to be on and yeah, dip your toes in the water. Yes.
Anna: Dip your toes in the water. If you feel ready, go ahead and do that. Tammy, thank you so much for all of this. It's been a true pleasure to interview you today. Thank you.
Tammy: Thank you, Anna. You are. Such a gift to the world. Thank you for your podcast and this give that you bless the world with. So I, it's been really fun.
Anna: Great. And to all of my listeners, thank you so much for spending this time with me today with me and Tammy. I hope you leave feeling a little lighter and more empowered on your journey.
And as always, remember that healing takes time and you're exactly where you need to be. So take care of yourself. And until we meet again, be kind to your heart.
