What To Look For In A Couples’ Therapist
So, you and your partner have been experiencing problems in your relationship. Even though the love may still be there, it feels like every day is a battle. The worst part is, you don’t even know why or how it got to be this way.
Because of all the fights, tears, and heartaches, you decided to see a couples’ therapist to mend your relationship. As you drove home from your third appointment, though, you asked yourself these questions-
Has our relationship turned over a new leaf?
What have we learned about managing conflict in healthy ways?
Are we aware of the causes of our disconnect?
If you are stumbling for these answers, it means that your couples’ therapist has not helped you. After a few sessions, you and your partner should be able to communicate more effectively and be on the right track.
To avoid throwing your money away, here are some vital things to look for in a new couples’ therapist.
Does Your Couples’ Therapist Have Specialized Training?
It is important to know that not all therapists have specialized training in couples therapy. Whether you see a psychologist, professional counselor, social worker, or religious leader, they need to be licensed in your state and have specific training in couples counseling.
Even if a professional has had training, they may not have received supervision for it. This supervision ensures a couples’ therapist will give the right techniques and interventions to meet the client’s needs.
Is Your Couples’ Therapist Judgmental?
A couples’ therapist provides you with a safe place to share your thoughts and feelings. If you are feeling judgment during your session, it is time to find your way towards the door.
Therapy will not be beneficial if a therapist is raising their eyebrows at your choices and lifestyle. Healing is all about receiving support, empathy, and help. You cannot get that if your therapist is making you feel that you are responsible for your relationship not working. The fear of judgment will stop you from sharing your innermost thoughts that could be useful in saving your relationship.
If you are already feeling mentally drained from relationship stress, a judgmental therapist will worsen what you feel.
Does Your Couples’ Therapist Take Sides?
The purpose of going to couples’ therapy is to find peace. If a couples’ therapist takes sides, this can turn into a war that no one wants.
A couples’ therapist should be not be supporting one perspective over another. Therapy should be about resolving challenges. Just like you do not want judgment from a therapist, you do not want to feel like the bad guy either. Otherwise, you will not trust your therapist with your honesty if you know what your therapist thinks of you.
Does Your Couples’ Therapist Push Their Agenda?
It is not the place of a therapist to tell you if you should stay in your relationship or leave. If a therapist encourages you to stay in the relationship when you want to leave, you will not see any progress if you are not invested in repairing it. If you want to stay in the relationship but the therapist thinks it should end, you will feel ashamed in wanting to stay in it.
The job of a couples’ therapist is about taking an objective stance. A therapist can help you see the relationship as a whole as well as you and your partner on an individual level. Then, you can make the decision about what is best for you instead of what others think.
Does Your Couples’ Therapist Help You Achieve Goals?
Every client has different reasons for why they need to see a couples’ therapist such as-
Improving communication
Building trust
Finding common ground
Being an individual within the context of the relationship
Keeping commitments
and many others. Your couples’ therapist should ask about these goals and make them a priority. They should also use their expertise to offer some sort of roadmap to get there.
Sometimes, your goal might be simply to process a fight that happened right before the session since that gives a good opportunity to practice skills. Other times, your therapist may give you some educational information about relationships.
Depending on the kind of therapy you get, you may receive “homework” so you can practice what you learned at home. While various therapies view this differently, it may be useful to have a therapist who touches on the past, present, and future of your union instead of focusing on just one aspect.
If you have a goal in mind for what you want out of your relationship with your partner, a couples’ therapist will help you stick with it. We offer couples’ therapy in person and online, so please contact our office today.
