One of the most common things that can ruin connection and intimacy in a relationship is unresolved trauma. You may be afraid to get close to your partner based on the past trauma you have experienced. You may also unwittingly start conflict because of your past experiences.

Without treatment, these traumatic memories will become monsters that take hold of everything you care about. After all, if you do not feel safe in your intimate relationship, where do you feel safe?

This is where Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR) comes in. EMDR is a therapy that can help increase awareness, support, and intimacy in partners. Originally developed for trauma treatment in individuals, it can also be used with couples.

Working with an EMDR therapist can go a long way to improve the relationship between you and your partner. You will gain a deeper understanding of how your trauma affects you and learn how to let go of the intensity of the moment.

You can process events that happened before and after you became a couple. Through eye movements, the trauma you have endured like emotional abuse, infidelity, dishonesty, and other events can be better digested and understood by both of you.

EMDR therapy can be the right course of treatment for bringing you and your partner closer once you understand how it can benefit your relationship.

Targeting Past Trauma

The past comes with a lot of emotional baggage. Mental illnesses like post-traumatic stress disorder make you feel on guard whenever you sense danger is coming. Maybe you have experienced neglect or abuse before that has impacted your relationships. Your EMDR therapist will search for these traumatic memories and help you process them.

When these memories are targeted, you will be able to separate the pain from the memory. This will leave room for openness and vulnerability in the relationship.

Moving Through Past Trauma

If your previous partner was struggling with addiction or cheated on you, you could be afraid of re-living that experience all over again. Through EMDR therapy, you will think about what happened without triggering the intense emotions related to the trauma.

While EMDR therapy does not change the memories you have gone through, it does change how you react to them. Removing some of the negative emotions brought by trauma will present a healthier relationship with your partner. This can be the start of a beautiful, new chapter in your life.

Alleviating Anxiety

Not only does anxiety cause negative thought patterns to emerge, but it can take over your body as well. Scary situations could make you feel frozen or want to run away. If a conflict in your relationship has brought about anxiety, it can be hard to connect with your partner. EMDR therapy can reduce the intensity of these traumatic memories. Instead of living your relationship filled with anxiety, EMDR can provide an opportunity for an intimate bond with your partner.

Healing Emotionally

If your last relationship ended very badly, these feelings of sadness can prevent you from forming future connections. Whenever your partner treats you well, you could be telling yourself this will end badly like the last one. In order to move on to a new relationship, those negative feelings you felt during your last relationship needs to take a back seat.

The power of EMDR therapy can erase this negative force these memories have on you. If for any reason the memory of your previous partner’s hurt comes to you, you will be more at ease with the memory compared to feelings of depression or anger. You will be able to better focus on the present moment and form a connection with your partner.

Releasing Habitual Behavior

Just like your traumatic experiences become a routine to think about, so do the habitual behaviors we use to protect ourselves. People who have gone through trauma tend to use unhealthy methods to cope like substance use and self-harm. EMDR will not only relieve the pain of past trauma but will also help build healthy habits to adapt to your new positive view of yourself and life.

Combining EMDR with Other Therapies

It may be a good idea to combine EMDR therapy with another kind of therapy to enhance your relationship. EMDR can help you process trauma and reduce anxiety, but it does not teach practical skills for communication and conflict resolution.

There are many approaches to couple’s therapy, including the popular Gottman Method and Emotionally Focused Therapy. If you want the best bang for your buck, find a therapist who specializes in both EMDR and couples’ therapy. They can help you in multiple ways that are sure to create long-lasting change.

***

EMDR therapy is a great tool to use to change how you react to your traumatic memories and form ties with your partner. We offer EMDR and couples’ therapy in-person and online, so contact our office today.

How EMDR Therapy Can Help Your Relationship